So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
