I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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