You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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