I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize