Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
