Nicole vs. Life
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
