11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
