Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
