I feel like abortions should bother me more
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
