I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
