well I can't set my house on fire every night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
