when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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