Where did you get a picture of my penis
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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