I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am naked and annoyed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
