I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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