By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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