one might say we're banned from that church
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
