Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
