I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
