Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
