My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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