I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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