I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
