Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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