belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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