I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
