Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
