there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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