I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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