butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
