Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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