We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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