South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She even gives head with a lisp.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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