2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
