no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
