My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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