he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
