yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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