I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
