I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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