How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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