Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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