halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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