Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
bring money and cleavage
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
