I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
