how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
