i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How's work?
Spinning.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
