HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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