so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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