I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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