i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
