That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
