i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
