you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
