i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
