NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she told me i tasted like america
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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