Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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