I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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