I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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