i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
