Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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