Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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