I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
