I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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