He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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