shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Duck Duck Cougar?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
