I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
