Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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