the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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