ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
