All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
