Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize