I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
