It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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