Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
