I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
