Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
