I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
