Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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