from now on my penis is your penis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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