Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
