i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
