There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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