I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My ass is underappreciated
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
