I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
im on a boat
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