To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize