I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
