he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
