i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize