hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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