Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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