"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Every concussion has its silver lining
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You ate ashes out of my bong
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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