there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
