it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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