i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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