I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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