He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
