I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
