hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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