Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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