video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
