Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
